When you think of your childhood, do you feel warm inside or full of anxiety? I believe it is the mother in the household who sets the "aroma" of the home. What atmosphere or "aroma" do you want your children to look back on when they are older? The environment you provide in your home will have a dramatic influence on the lives of your family and it will last for many years. At 59, I remember well the times I was sick as a little girl and what a "special occasion" my mother made this. She would fix me whatever I wanted to eat and spend lots of time reading to me and playing with me. This was a time of nourishing and I remember it like it was yesterday. She made being sick as great as it could be!

Focus on the Family uses the acronym AROMA to provide a simple reminder of how to maintain a family fragrance conducive to positive family relationships.

Affection - Families that display genuine affection for one another effectively arm themselves against a cold and uncaring world.
Respect - Respectful relationships hold others in honor so they recognize their true worth. Respectful families develop manners and courteous habits. Respect also inhibits destructive self-criticism.
Order - is the result of managing and modeling godly leadership in the home, resulting in a refuge of calm.
Merriment - is an atmosphere of enthusiasm coupled with uninhibited laughter and noise.
Affirmation - lets your family members know who they are as well as whose they are. It's not about whether they won their last soccer game or received the best salesman award. It's about our true love for them and the high esteem we hold for them. True affirmation ultimately comes from God.

Wouldn't you love to grow up in a home like this? If you need to change the atmosphere in your home, it's simple. Start right where you are! Then look for opportunities to do a little more each day to improve your family's fragrance.

Just a few words today on how to boost your mate's self-esteem. Have you ever heard the term "sweet spot"? Well, I believe there is such a thing as a "sweet spot of praise" built into our men. Ladies, try to find out what he really wants to hear from you. Maybe it's that he's handsome, a good lover, a good father, good at mowing the lawn . . . . But, whatever that "spot" is in him, make your admiration meaningful and from a sincere heart - one that really sees his good traits and desires to praise him for them. The more you praise him and admire him, the more he will make a healthy habit of performing for you.

Men, like women, need to feel capable in several areas of their lives: mental, social, physical and spiritual. More than anything else, though, he needs to know that your love, not unlike God's love, is not dependent on how he looks or what he does. You love him unconditionally - even if you don't like him very much at any given moment. You've probably learned by now that loving and liking aren't the same thing. Liking depends on the circumstances and love is "all the time". Why don't you make a list of all the things you appreciate about your husband. Take time and ponder this. Then let him see the list with examples of each good trait. After showing your list to him, keep it handy so you can refer to it often - as a reminder to yourself of how blesed you are. Please remember to be sincere and not phony. Don't simply go through the motions. This will probably do more harm than good. NO FLATTERY! Praise and admiration must reflect genuine feelings to have any value. If you don't mean it, don't say it.

Remember that you never know how long you have to work on building him up so make the most of every day.

I hope you don't think by my title that I think your job is to actually "raise" your husband. That title was just to get your attention. I just read the scripture that tells older women to teach younger women how to:

1) love their husbands,
2) love their children,
3) be self-controlled and pure
4) be busy at home
5) be kind
6) be subject to their husbands

So, this blog is simply my attempt at passing on what I have learned from many years of experience. I certainly don't know it all, but I have some insight that I pray will help some of you younger ladies out there.

Men and women, as you know, are blessed with many unique characteristics. You will be very wise if you have a desire to understand your husband's needs and then set out to meet them. Genesis tells us that God created two sexes, not one, and that He designed each gender for a specific purpose. You are given by God to your husband as his helpmate. This doesn't mean that you are his doormat, but put by his side to help him be a better man of God.

Men have needs that are distinct to their gender. I think they like, above all, to be respected. They work hard to provide for their family and that should never go unnoticed or unappreciated. Praise goes a long way with a man!

Dr. James Dobson did a survey a few years ago to determine what men care about most and what they hope their wives will understand. The results were surprising. Men did not long for expensive furniture, well-equipped garages or a private study in which to work. What they wanted most was tranquility at home. They work daily in environments that are competitive and stresses of surviving professionally are severe. Therefore, the home needs to be a haven where he can return each day and find peace. I tried to have soothing music playing, candles burning, etc. When my children were small, I tried to have them busy with something when my "honey" came home so he could relax for a few minutes before they "jumped" him.

Communication - now that's a word! I think this is a very vital part of a marriage relationship. Someone once said that "Communication is to love as blood is to the body." Take the blood out of the body and it dies. Take communication away and a relationship dies. I don't just mean exchanging information - I mean sharing feelings, joys, hurts, disappointments - who you really are. Usually the wife does a better job of this than the husband. (That's not always true because my husband talked more about his feelings than I did.) But, generally, this is true. Communication is a learned skill and it's often hard work. You should reserve time for meaningful dialogue with your husband. We used to take walks or go out for dinner to have our talks. Sometimes we had pillow talks at night, but, if your conversation is going to be "heated", perhaps bedtime is not the right time. I believe good communication can help fan the flames of your love.

Since we live in a "fast food" world, we can all work on patience as a virtue. Since our marriage takes time to develop, we need to learn patience. Irritations and annoyances ARE GOING TO HAPPEN. Patience is needed for the "long haul".

"Commitment" is not a popular word in our culture. Our society emphasizes individual rights and personal freedom. Commitment in your marriage means putting your husband's rights and needs above your own. This doesn't mean you give up all your freedoms or choices, but it does mean your commitment to your marriage relationship supercedes your own rights. I always felt satisfied in my life when I focused on my husband's needs and how to creatively meet them.

Finally, I'll end with a quote I heard recently: "The stability of marriage is a by-product of an iron-willed determination to make it work."