I hope you don't think by my title that I think your job is to actually "raise" your husband. That title was just to get your attention. I just read the scripture that tells older women to teach younger women how to:

1) love their husbands,
2) love their children,
3) be self-controlled and pure
4) be busy at home
5) be kind
6) be subject to their husbands

So, this blog is simply my attempt at passing on what I have learned from many years of experience. I certainly don't know it all, but I have some insight that I pray will help some of you younger ladies out there.

Men and women, as you know, are blessed with many unique characteristics. You will be very wise if you have a desire to understand your husband's needs and then set out to meet them. Genesis tells us that God created two sexes, not one, and that He designed each gender for a specific purpose. You are given by God to your husband as his helpmate. This doesn't mean that you are his doormat, but put by his side to help him be a better man of God.

Men have needs that are distinct to their gender. I think they like, above all, to be respected. They work hard to provide for their family and that should never go unnoticed or unappreciated. Praise goes a long way with a man!

Dr. James Dobson did a survey a few years ago to determine what men care about most and what they hope their wives will understand. The results were surprising. Men did not long for expensive furniture, well-equipped garages or a private study in which to work. What they wanted most was tranquility at home. They work daily in environments that are competitive and stresses of surviving professionally are severe. Therefore, the home needs to be a haven where he can return each day and find peace. I tried to have soothing music playing, candles burning, etc. When my children were small, I tried to have them busy with something when my "honey" came home so he could relax for a few minutes before they "jumped" him.

Communication - now that's a word! I think this is a very vital part of a marriage relationship. Someone once said that "Communication is to love as blood is to the body." Take the blood out of the body and it dies. Take communication away and a relationship dies. I don't just mean exchanging information - I mean sharing feelings, joys, hurts, disappointments - who you really are. Usually the wife does a better job of this than the husband. (That's not always true because my husband talked more about his feelings than I did.) But, generally, this is true. Communication is a learned skill and it's often hard work. You should reserve time for meaningful dialogue with your husband. We used to take walks or go out for dinner to have our talks. Sometimes we had pillow talks at night, but, if your conversation is going to be "heated", perhaps bedtime is not the right time. I believe good communication can help fan the flames of your love.

Since we live in a "fast food" world, we can all work on patience as a virtue. Since our marriage takes time to develop, we need to learn patience. Irritations and annoyances ARE GOING TO HAPPEN. Patience is needed for the "long haul".

"Commitment" is not a popular word in our culture. Our society emphasizes individual rights and personal freedom. Commitment in your marriage means putting your husband's rights and needs above your own. This doesn't mean you give up all your freedoms or choices, but it does mean your commitment to your marriage relationship supercedes your own rights. I always felt satisfied in my life when I focused on my husband's needs and how to creatively meet them.

Finally, I'll end with a quote I heard recently: "The stability of marriage is a by-product of an iron-willed determination to make it work."