Gary D. Chapman, in his study entitled "Communicate Love to Your Spouse" says he believes there are only five languages of love. Each person uses all the languages, but really thrives on one. The better you speak your spouse's love language, the stronger your emotional love life will be. For those unfamiliar with love languages, here's a brief course:

Words of Affirmation. Proverbs 18:21 says that the tongue has the power of life and death. This language uses words to honor and appreciate your spouse.

Gifts. A gifts tells your spouse that he/she was thinking about you. Gifts don't need to be expensive. After all, it's the thought that counts, isn't it? With gifts, it isn't what you give, but how often you give that communicates love.

Acts of Service. The Bible tells us to love not only in word but in action. Acts of service include: washing the car, walking the dog, changing the baby, doing the dishes, or whatever needs doing.

Quality Time. This means giving your spouse undivided attention. Maybe it's a picnic, a weekend away, or just muting the TV. The important thing is the two of you focusing on each other.

Physical Touch. We've long known the emotional power of physical touch. Holding hands, embracing, a back rub, even putting your hand on your mate's leg while you drive.

So, how do you discover your spouse's love language? Ask yourself the following questions:

"How does my spouse most often express love to me?" If they give you words of affirmation, that may be their love language. They're usually giving you what they wish to receive.

"What does my spouse complain about most often?" Our complaints reveal our deepest desires. This can give you a hint at your spouse's love language.

"What does my spouse request most often?" If your spouse routinely asks if you would help make the bed or give the children a bath tonight, then Acts of Service may be his or her primary love language.

You need three things to be a successful lover:
1. Information. What is your spouse's love language?
2. Will. Love is an active choice.
3. Frequency. Use your spouse's primary language to express love regularly.

This is really good information given by Gary Chapman who is a marriage and relationship expert. HOPE IT HELPS!

I had another thought on communication that I believe is worth sharing. A good way to improve communication with your spouse is to use only words that are good for the edification (building up) of your spouse. The scripture speaks of the mouth speaking what fills the heart. If our heart dwells on bitter resentment or uncontrolled anger, then the words we speak will be full of attacks, slander and hurtful accusations. If our heart dwells on Christ as our model for love and forgiveness, our words will be tenderly gentle, kindhearted, forgiving, with the heartfelt purpose of edifying and encouraging our spouse. The Bible warns us to not let any unwholesome word proceed from our mouth. Our purpose should be to bless our spouse with our words, paying close attention to the need of the moment, giving grace to our spouse through our words. Proverbs 15:1 says that harsh words stir up anger. Later in the 15th chapter of Proverbs, it is stated that a timely word that is full of tenderness and compassion is delightful. Let our desire be to bless our spouse with words that build up and encourage.

I would like to recommend a book for your reading. It is titled "Families Where Grace is in Place". This is one of the best "family" books I've ever read. Of course, it talks about giving grace in your family life. It is well worth the read.

We'll talk more later.

I know I haven't posted in a while, but I was waiting on the Lord to give me a subject matter. I don't like to ramble just for rambling's sake. Finally, I feel He has given me something else to say to anyone who wants to listen.

I believe one of the greatest problems in marriages is communication or the lack of may be a better way to put it. There are lots of reasons for this problem and I'm going to spend a few posts talking about the obstacles to good communication and what to do about it (as I see it).

Undoubtedly the problem of communication started in the garden of Eden with Adam and Eve. I can just imagine Adam or Eve saying to God, "She (he) doesn't understand me." Things have been going downhill ever since.

In my feeble opinion, time is probably the biggest obstacle to good communication between couples. We are entirely too busy these days. While nothing often seems to be wrong between couples, they often will admit that they are functioning on "autopilot" where their spouses are concerned. Meaningful conversation takes a backseat to childcare, soccer practice and other activities involving children. Problem spots are also activities at work, church and maybe even too much television. When a couple does talk, they often find themselves falling victim to only discussing urgent, pressing financial or fammily circumstances instead of what is important to bring them closer in their marriage. Couples MUST learn to have daily meaningful times of communication. The payoff are REALLY, REALLY rewarding.

I'll have more on this at a later date. Meanwhile, keep talking.